Quixotic

I wish this post was going to be happy, but it isn't. This is what happened Still Your Jadore and teddy bear are in my truck you tell me you need him to take care of your mom you expect me to be okay with him kicked back in your bedroom watching the game, because after all he is there to help with your mother I'm suppose to hold on for more than 30 minutes while you close the deal I'm expected to pay for hotel rooms they we didn't use Only long enough for me to scream your name once It's 6am, I got to get up from your bed and your house because he is coming to have breakfast with your mom We can't get married We can't move in I can't come over because he is already there You want me to stand holding my heart my longing and all my needs still silent and beneath your husband

T iny things I notice all the time a half smoked black and mild strawberry flavored chapstick jammed between the sidewalk crack Wondering about all things that will be in the future you know after we are all gone 200 years ahead Saddens me sometimes to think of things new; old and thrown away todays sudans tomorrow's junk car piled up like metal mountains Holidays approaching I'm going to enjoy before its history Are we but much different our youth and beauty strong and vibrant yet we are falling into being wrinkled and gray day by day Things I don't want to think about but have no choice when I talked to my Grandma today Once she was more like a movie star long locks and high cheek bones I have to acknowledge or at least consider I too will wither... Copyright 2010 CS Knight

I jumped up to follow you out into the shock of icy stillness I stood teeth shattering at your 1/3 cracked window We had ran into your Ex again I wasn't tired of you just tired of you mentioning her I talked enough for you to ask me to get in I sat passionately all my words coming at once I still shivered Expressive you changed your approach More like you knew you had found something in me and I knew I had something in you I try to act like I'm going to leave and you let me think I'm going to leave Until I end up saying, don't go Your kisses warmed me up calmed me down You say that I tell you that I love you, with my eyes I don't know how I did all I remember is the entire time I was barefoot in November..

Right now I'm just trying to balance everything. I'm working on a degree, I work full-time, I have a family. I'm staying focused on what is important and trying not to get distracted with things that just aren't that important to me, like meetings and office memos about keeping my office door open during the day. Which I have a problem anyway with management sending out blanket memos to address just a few rule breakers. My relationship is at best, going in the right direction. Of course there is always room for improvement, yet I feel satisfied and content with my partner, that doesn't mean I'm sparred from moments of fustration or anger when we have difficult times. I just always come back to the smiles she brings after a long day. I'm always looking forward to our next sushi dinner or red box night. Again I'm just trying to balance it all.

Fierce sighs Gobble   Intimacy Ravished Angry We talk about making love instead Pissed I give in to bickering and rebellion Laughter Kept brief Old jokes Sink We used to Have joy Now Nitpicks taint Past Finger tips Touch the present In old dusty accusations I hold To Nothing But Our first kiss Copy right 2010 Q

She lingers through my experiences placing grains of sand in my dreams Pouring down hour glasses rain wiggles down Drenching our steam consumed in her lips Spinning french kisses I'm so transparent to her Sometimes I wanna hide from her naked opinion of me She knows I love her She knows I crave her She knows I don't want anyone else In her eyes I see her possession of me And I have willing surrendered as puddles collect after the storm No choice they just dwell peacefully She like the water holds me in a space tight like peppermint in a package...

Well things are... moving along. My relationship is in good standing, seems like we have finally gotten to the place where we understand each other much better, and we are able to communicate our feelings easier. That is actually a HUGE bonus. She has alot going on right now, and I'm showing her plenty of support. Ive been really busy with work, and other projects. Looking forward to the upcoming holidays with my family and friends. I'm very concerned about what my partner is going through with her family right now. As I said earlier I'm being supportive, you know helping her through all of it. I'm worried about how things might impact the relationship at some point. I hope I'm not being selfish, but it's an observation. She may even have to change her current living arrangement. All I can do is hope that things work out for her, and then for us. Everyone has issues, I just I hope I am able to maintain through all of what she has going on. It's funny, I use

Now, if I would have written this post on Saturday, it would probably been a happier read. Today, and most of yesterday I have just felt like BLAH. My girlfriend is talking stupid about one thing or the other. The job is getting on my nerves. And I'm starting to feel unmotivated; and I don't have time for bullshit to leave me in a sloppy state of melancholy. Maybe its PMS, maybe it's me not taking a hard cold stare at what I don't want to deal with. Maybe it's a combo of many different things. Sometimes I feel like I need a getaway, a vacation, but then again maybe I need to separate myself from somethings that aren't good for me---permanently. I can't stand when I'm like this. Like my job, I'm happy to be employed...however, I'm VERY unhappy with my line of work; after 8 years or so, I'm burned out. I'm taking the steps to make a career change, its just it's not happening soon enough.  Sometimes I can be overly critical of myself an

So I have a lock on  my bedroom door. My bae texts me that she is on her way, she works ALOT, so I get all excited about seeing her. I didn't work that day because of some bad flooding in the area. I jump up to get ready to take and shower and you know girlfriend proof the room, I had like my snacks and a cup sitting on the dresser. I walk out of the room, close the door and BAM, I locked myself out. Of course my extra keys are INSIDE the bedroom, because I locked myself out the other day, and never put the spare key back. SIGH. Of course my windows are all locked and its raining outside. Right around this time, my girl pulls up. I get in her car and explain my situation, she starts laughing. We go inside and try butter knives, and credit cards..no luck. We call several locksmiths, and due to the flooding..they can't get to us. We ended up camping out in my living room. It was so much fun. We made a pallet on the floor with my sofa pillows, which are big and comfy..We talked, g

My partner and I had a wonderful weekend. We spent most of it cuddled up. I'm so in love with this woman; and anytime we get to spend together feels wonderful. The one thing I consider the most, at this stage in my life, almost mid-thirties..I'm much more in tune with my feelings and emotions. I'm just so much more aware of things, quite frankly, I just didn't care about before in my younger days. I guess there is a coming of knowledge thing going on as I age. In some areas it is very good, I'm able to communicate my needs and be assertive. In same areas its not so good..I'm aware of the things that aren't quite the way I want them to be, like the way she doesn't open up about how she feels all the time. However, that is where patience and understanding plays a major role. So although I am aware of some of the idiosyncrasies, I'm in no rush to go looking for another relationship, I want to work at sustaining this relationship, as long as I'm bein

It started like pinky's above a tea cup cute dainty necessary I was ohhh ahhhh'd into you I find you adorable irresistible addictive Hurts never feel like pain drowning in the pleasure what happened? I don't know if i'm crying for the way you touch me or because I'm lacking Either way I just love when you hold me Even if you fuss or cuss I long for the reconnect sometimes its a text sometimes its a kiss sometimes its an orgasm leaving me perplexed and engaged in your ways I hope I don't land on some Jagged passion you create and I love to taste all stupid and craving seconds Copyright 2010

No sooner then me declaring she is my soulmate, did proverbal hell break loose. First the conversation about the holidays came up, we couldn't have two completely different approaches to them! She prefers to not celebrate them at all, and of course I'm wild about both Thanksgiving and Christmas. So our pre-holiday discussion didn't go over very well. It will take some adjusting on both our parts, but it was more than the sour discussion that has my eyes rolling, and my tongue sucking my teeth. It was her attitude, she was somewhat distant, cold, and unfair in our discussions. I'm hoping it was her fustration..overall though...I'm starting to get pissed off. I'm trying to take all things into account. This is a new relationship, we are still in the getting to know each other phase, and I know that she is worth some of the headaches we go through in our discussions. At the very least, I'm glad we can discuss things. I just hope I don't "check out&qu

She reaches parts of me No one else ever has She loves me like no one else tried Nurturing kisses of peace I'm submerged in her care Sometimes I just sit back and think of her smile Wide as the moon she has brought to me perpetual thoughts of her and like high tide she pulls me into her parallel thoughts we connect more like souls embracing in her touch I hear the universe in her kiss I taste the ocean In her presence I am more aware of me than I have been She brings me to me in her Copyright 2010 CS Knight Dedicated to EJF

Icicles tease funny bones lips swallow my screams sweat evaporates in cuddles sleep spooned like scoops twirls of memories open like nostrils giant lollipops tangy tongues magnetized we like roots grow into love... Copyright 2010 CS Knight

After the stormy parts of my relationship have calmed down..I'm just thinking my life over. The next direction I want to go in, the next job, the next level of success. I hope my relationship will continue to be a positive factor in the scheme of things. So far it has been kinda of a distraction, and then a bit of motivation. My partner and I have talked about building a future together and I'm optimistic about that. There is so much that I enjoy about our relationship. I can't expect it to be perfect, just a positive force in my life. I'm going to continue doing my part.

you used to be afraid in retraction comforted in expansion or just suspended waiting finicky complexed safe we reached a place to hug often unweary unscathed doubtless your skin healed me like molten ashes cooling disdain looks from mountains crumbling finally Copyright 2010

After many hours of talking to my partner, we were able to communicate our feelings, and now our rocks will be our foundation. Our trouble has brought us closer and increased our commitment to the relationship. I couldn't be more happy. I really love my partner. We don't see eye to eye on everything. We don't need to. All we need to do is love each other, and be supportive. She means the world to me. I'm willing to give more than I ever have as compared to some of my past relationships. I feel like I have finally matured enough to love her the way she needs to be loved. So many times, I just wasn't ready..I thought I was..but I wasn't ready to love in my past relationships at the level I needed to be at. However, each time I learned something..something that has helped me love my partner today. We had a wonderful weekend together, and I feel like we are on the right track. Go team love.

Needle points restless place bright inklings un-noticed yearnings billow through silent caves suffocating sighs blackned impulse itchy desire rare She is silent Copyright

Something has gone wrong. I know I made a major mistake, and maybe that is the something. Now one mistake leads to her doing all sorts of, what I will call, retaliation tactics. Yesterday, I text'd her and it took 3 hours for her to respond. When we finally did talk, I wasn't in the best of moods and I said something smart. I guess I have to start accepting, that our relationship might be irretrievable..And largely, it would be my fault. I'm so hurt right now. Yeah, I made the mistake so now that gives her a free pass to treat me like shit? I guess so...We keep saying we are going to do better, fix it and have a decent relationship. I just don't know if that is possible anymore. At this point, we are on the rocks.

distant miles in your smile I just talked It wasn't until 2 days later you told me I had handwritten a letter to you in sand Crystals slide down your cheeks Numb I ran for toilet paper today I'm weary Your room crumbled as I watched you sleep Severed no stiches We lay in our illusion Copyright 2010 CS Knight

We laugh. We cry. We fight. We fester. I don't know where we went wrong. Things used to so beautiful, so tasty. Now it's just bitterness and anger. I keep thinking I need to change this, or change that. But the reality is: maybe we just aren't right for each other. The one single thought that I don't want to think. Even now, like someone spinning me around too fast, I feel queasy and dizzy..a bit lightheaded. Why is that thought so difficult? Because it would force me to accept, no matter how much we love each other, it won't be enough. And that's a very sober and poignant revealation. So now the question becomes...who will let go first. OR will there be a miracle between us? I don't want to let go...but do I need to?

I love the times you just hold me mending my weariness and refreshing my greatness                                                                              the ambers of your touch somber and graceful tickle my restlessness ease the injustice sprinkle your lips over my bravery I will bring you life I will repay you in fire we lay magnitized in soft devoured maddness comforted surrounded by concepts of us Never leave my side Copyright 2010 CS Knight

We finally made up last night! We are both so head strong..independent and stubborn...we have an understanding about the change in her work schedule, which could mean less time on the weekends, but I can't be mad because she has to work. I felt that I was a bit unreasonable..and I needed to check myself.  As far as the socialzing goes..we will talk about that again later. I don't expect it to be an issue, I trust her. Compromsing is so much easier when you are on the receiving end of the compromise...anyway..its all kisses now..I missed my bae..

We stayed on the phone for 5 hours. You told me that we won't be able to see each other as much on the weekend. "You have to do what you have to do". Then you told me you want to socialize, because you are "restless". For 5 months, you and I have spent almost every weekend together, and all I can do is whince at the thought of not seeing you. And as far as that socializing bullshit, well that's just what it is. Guess I was just a fool. A fool to think that we were going to keep hanging as tight as we were. And to top all of it off, you say I'm the one that is being selfish about the weekend visits. Nevermind how I count down the days and mintues until I see you again. You are the selfish one. You are the one who set me up and I fell for it. You made yourself available for weekends and now you say you shouldn't. You want my support, you want my "blessing". You want me to pretend I'm not hurting and let you socialize or i. e. run the stre

She came stood next to me Whispered into my consciousness Don’t be afraid She held me thru the morning broke through my pain She listened to my nonsense about me She stroked my hair And asked me to finger her So I took her down And drenched her in my wetness My bareness My shame My inner most Between my thighs She drank Up all I had to give I was quickly approaching the moment When nothing else would satisfy the open secret of lovers Leaving me quiet and yearning for her lips and hips Against all my perceptions of what I can be She ate all of my opinions She stroked her tongue against my weakeness And left me screaming Sweating And calling out to her at midnight Baby I will never leave your spirit I will never stop needing you As I closed my eyes and sunk into her sweetness I realized I would never makelove like this again It was the night I madelove to Poetry Copyright 2010

Touching my conscious Whispering into my thoughts Holding me through my disappointments Ebbs of seconds of minutes I feel free Tangled in your limbs I found peace Between our eyes No space Close in on me I’m not afraid Melody’s of Good conversations Play long Brown mahogany Sweet pecan Tasty caramel Pour your skin into me I love the way you Feel next to me Warm and soul-satisfied Baked into your embrace You hold me And all my masculinity Suspended In all the feminity of you I’m compelled To stay To mend To heal In your skin Copyright 2010 CS Knight

So..I tell my partner I'm going out with my friends labor day weekend...First she says..okay well you have a curfew..I just kinda blinked at her, like huh? Then she says well okay don't stay out all night. I tell her, there is no way I would stay out all or night and that I would be back at a decent hour. That was Sunday night. By Monday morning, she tells me she called her friends, and now she is planning to go out while I'm out with my friends. I feel a little annoyed by that...she says she doesn't want to stay home and "twittle her thumbs". So I guess all is fair in love and war right?...

Hey, I'm 34 years. I've been a lesbian most of my life...I'm here to share my story...