5 Hour Phone Call

We stayed on the phone for 5 hours. You told me that we won't be able to see each other as much on the weekend. "You have to do what you have to do". Then you told me you want to socialize, because you are "restless". For 5 months, you and I have spent almost every weekend together, and all I can do is whince at the thought of not seeing you. And as far as that socializing bullshit, well that's just what it is. Guess I was just a fool. A fool to think that we were going to keep hanging as tight as we were. And to top all of it off, you say I'm the one that is being selfish about the weekend visits. Nevermind how I count down the days and mintues until I see you again. You are the selfish one. You are the one who set me up and I fell for it. You made yourself available for weekends and now you say you shouldn't. You want my support, you want my "blessing". You want me to pretend I'm not hurting and let you socialize or i. e. run the streets. I'm suppose to just sit at home and be happy with the times you visit or decide you don't want to socialize. Throughout the phone call I felt every range of emotion..I was angry, indifferent, sad, sarcastic, and even confused. I wanted to hang up on you, cuss you out and be done. I didn't want to be in love with you. I didn't want you to know how much you had hurt me with your suggestions. I didn't want to be this fuck'n vulnerable. So I just kept trying to explain myself. We went in circles, big ones, littles ones, HUGE ones. Five hours worth of circles. Five hours worth of non-sense. We didn't we just hang up? Were we holding on to all the good times, no one ready to give in or let go?  I don't even know where we stand this morning. I have a headache. I feel stupid. I feel lost. I never want to have a 5 hour phone call like that, ever again.