Quixotic

Arm wrestling the wind tip toe on mood swings run on sentences baffled Tall tales between us the truth taste better than ashes Relestless beginnings calm endings things that aren't mine are stolen CS Knight Productions Copyright 2012 I wanted to add this I found it on Facebook, it's amazing how things agree sometimes..

I'm not really big on dates, well not most dates. I have to admit I am fascinated by today's. I understand it will be another century before it happens again. So I guess I will just relish that I saw it, this century, during my lifetime. Today has been an unusually hard day. I found out my son isn't doing well in school and I'm worried about him and what to do. It's such a heavy subject, my son's life and the worry of not knowing exactly what to do to help him. I know he needs help, but I'm not sure what is left for me to try. All I can is pray. Then there was my recent road trip. I drove 9 hours north to Providence, Rhode Island to visit my nana. She is 84 yrs. old and her health has been declining. My mom, her daughter and I took to the highway to check on her. I left Rhode Island brokenhearted. I remember just staring at my nana, as she wiped away tears as we were leaving. I wanted to reach out, hug her again but either way I had to go. I have been sh...

Well, I've been bullshitting. I knew we had problems but allowed my emotions to get in the way of making the right decision. We have broken up so many times that I can't count them anymore. The last time though, you got mad at me for trying to move on, you called and stole all my energy to move on. I was weakened because I still have feelings for you. Now this time, I take full responsiblity for my own hurt feelings. At this point in our "relationship" I know who you are. I know how you can and often will hurt me with your words and mean spritied ways. You yelled at me for not having money to help you get your car fix, you complained about me asking you to come and visit me now that your car is fixed. You brought up old things I said from 2 years ago. It's clear we can never be together. I'm simply the wrong person for you. We can lie to each other, we can go on vacations, we can txt and call through out the day, but the fact will remain: I'm no good for ...

I drove around for 4 hours waiting for you to get off work circles I didn't have much just a card just some flowers just all that I had You wanted a cruise You lied to your friends and said you went to Florida You said that's where a person who cared would have taken you I sat near tears A jackass For thinking my best would be good enough You dragged me at midnight to a Casino I was tired too remember the right hotel but you yelled and screamed how everything sucked I felt so stupid so helpess like an old man fraile and gullable Bleeding Lonely Hurting Empty I finally left at 5 am I smashed the tulips I took the card and what's left of my self-esteem Go to Florida Go on a Cruise Go to Hell

I haven't written anything about us in a long time. Mainly, because I knew we were in a downward spiral for a very long time. We were just going through the motions. Now it's completely dissolved. Even I don't think we will recover, nor do I want to. You are so mean, so cold, so unbearable. It doesn't matter what I think I give, it's never enough. Now, you tell me how much better you are than I am. How much better your friends are than mine. What a joke. LOL Head Muncher, yeah, your best friend well known in the community as the biggest slut, but you think because she has a  PhD she is better than my friends who just work or don't have degrees. HA! How pathetic. Now you demand that I take a cruise with you, and breakup with me because I don't want to spend my money on a cruise. It's too bad. You have entitlement issues and you think I'm just going to negate my responsibilities to make you happy, no it's not going to happen that way. So go, I...

Cutting and slicing of my innermost brazen arguments send me to the ER of my heart Hiding from you I say whatever it takes to win an agrument Not sure what my point was other than to defend myself from the brutality of your conversations Sometimes I feel like this is the 9th and 10th year of the failed relationship I had with my ex wife I promise the other night you laughed you sounded just like her She nearly did me in but I left her ass too people think because I love hard I won't leave easy Please You can't hurt that which was already WOUNDED

I know I have been going back and forth with my current relationship. We swing from working things out to barely speaking. Of course I think it's unhealthy. Of course I think I need to try to work it out. I just don't get it. Sometimes I feel like all of our problems from the past never let us go. I feel like we struggle because maybe we just aren't compatiable. I struggle. I cry. I let go. I hold on. I'm torn. Am I afraid to let go and start over? Maybe. Am I in love and want to work things out because I thought we had something? I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm very confused and angry. The arguments are bad. Really bad. We both say such hurtful things. Maybe our relationship is a lost cause; beyond repair. Then sometimes I find hope in our convos, when we aren't each trying to be right. Trying to make a point. We are two very different people. In my mind I'm thinking we can work through our differences, we can find understanding between us. The...

Guess it was all the bullshit I did from the beginning coming back to eat me alive I cannot really handle the thought of breaking up based on so many thoughts You say how I control you and how you are imprisoned and want to be free to travel without me I tried to take the steps needed to so you can be free I said go I said chill I said hang with your friends.... Inside I cringed with fear and regret Inside I cried Inside I figured it would lead to the end I hope I'm wrong I hope I'm strong I said I would go to But really I just wanted to say let's go together let's stay together let's block out the "messy" world of lesbians.. at least for now.. honestly but I didn't say any of that..

I spent Valentine's Day with my baby!! We had an awesome time, it was very intimate. I made sure she had all the fixins, teddy bear, roses, Valentine's Day card, and even an original poem--written just for her. I also had chocolate and fresh long stem strawberries and candles! She was very impressed!! We spend time together all the time, last night I just took special care and made sure the evening was very romantic! I must say it was one of our best nights EVER. Here is the piece I wrote for her: Lips like sunshine Muffins edible Delicious Chocolate kisses Melting my Breath Into tingly Moments of Caramel seduction Blazing passion Heartpounding Fire sizzles In your touch In the Morning I Leave a trail of rose Petals from your neck To the small of your back Quiet embraces Of naked I love you’s Strawberry hips And whip cream thighs Lady you are fine You are my heart My friend, lover, and companion I cherish you and the love we share Happy Valentine’s Day! Copyright ...

Well I turned 36 years old on 2/12/12. I love that date! I spent the weekend in Charlotte, NC with my partner. She and I had a ball. We went to an NBA Basketball game and then out dancing, I enjoyed myself, she gave me a Dallas Cowboy skull cap, I can't wait to wear it! I look back at our relationship, all the ups and downs, and it's amazing how we recovered and rekindled our love. I had so much growing up to do when we met almost 2 years ago. I'm embracing the love; and cherishing her to the fullest. It's a wonderful feeling to know I have someone to love; and who love's me in return. I'm looking forward to celebrating my birthday with my family later this week. My mom, stepdad, and my teenage children will all have dinner with me. I feel great. I'm very thankful.

I haven't posted much lately...I've been distracted by so many things. I'm still with the same girl--we have had so many up and downs. I'm afraid to even say what is going on right now bc things change so much. So I will say, we love each other. The new job is going well--the commute is LONG!!! Other than that; I'm good. I'm turning 36 yrs old next month. I feel good. I'm finally accepting myself for who I am. I've always lived by what people think of me--never really allowing myself to be true to myself. So this has been a long time coming. I'm going to write a piece about that next. I can say the older I get the more I realize dreams don't magically happen; it takes very hard work and planning. I still have so much I want to do; so much I want to see happen. I'm aging and thinking, I have to hurry up. I look at my mom, a wonderful woman, who has always loved and supported me, turning 62 yrs this year. She is going for her PHD; what an in...