12-12-12

I'm not really big on dates, well not most dates. I have to admit I am fascinated by today's. I understand it will be another century before it happens again. So I guess I will just relish that I saw it, this century, during my lifetime. Today has been an unusually hard day. I found out my son isn't doing well in school and I'm worried about him and what to do. It's such a heavy subject, my son's life and the worry of not knowing exactly what to do to help him. I know he needs help, but I'm not sure what is left for me to try. All I can is pray.

Then there was my recent road trip. I drove 9 hours north to Providence, Rhode Island to visit my nana. She is 84 yrs. old and her health has been declining. My mom, her daughter and I took to the highway to check on her. I left Rhode Island brokenhearted. I remember just staring at my nana, as she wiped away tears as we were leaving. I wanted to reach out, hug her again but either way I had to go. I have been shell shocked since. My nana lives with my Uncle, 2 adult cousins, and 2 small children. The adults treat my nana badly, and well each other too. I wasn't used to all the name calling, disrespect, anger and bitterness. My mom and I were dumbfounded. We left an entire day early. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I wish there was something I could do for my nana. I wish I could make my family love each other. I can't.

Then there is my sister. She is angry with me because of her own financial situation. She blames me and everyone else for her own problems. I can't support her 100%, I have to pay my own bills. I give what I can and if that isn't enough, there isn't much more I can do. I'm frustrated and stressed out. I'm feeling so down today. I pray for better days.