Sex in the City

It’s 2014 my ex Emily broke up with me (again) in May of that year. Our former relationship was so unfulfilling. So I ended up using a dating site in June and connected with Debra. My ex and I didn’t spend much time together, so I was over her and wanted to move on.  Debra is a poet, writer, and enjoys many of the social events I enjoy. She even understood my back injury and offered to help with different things that I may have needed. We end up spending a lot of time together over the next few months. The summer of 2014, as I remember it. We go to open mic nite and perform, we go to the beach, and we introduce each other to our children. So one day we were talking, and I asked so are we “girlfriends” she looks at me kind of strange and tells me to think back to when we first started dating, I told you I don’t titles; and I vaguely recall her saying those exact words. I just thought after 3 months of dating and sex—we were official, right, dead ass wrong. Her next words perplexed me and gave me pause, she said “We are in a situationship”. At first, in my head I’m asking, well what the hell is that?  So I ask her, what’s that mean? She explains to me, it meant we have all the benefits of a relationship…including sex, but we don’t have an exclusive or monogamous relationship. I was floored, but she just kept reminding me, hey I told you this upfront. So I ask her the most important question I can think of: Are you sleeping with anyone else?? She replies no, I would tell you. I don’t believe her. As a matter of fact, I noticed that over the last month she has been texting with someone basically non-stop. I was in my feelings and I end up leaving her apartment and went back to my apartment. I tell her I don’t think this is going to work for me and I block her telephone number.  If only blocking someone’s number removed feelings!

Once I got back to my apartment Im sitting on my patio and thinking, damn I should have listened to what she told me! I’m turning things over and over in my head, I had real feelings for her and I was even attached to her grandson!  No more than 10 mins into my reflections of my own stupidity. There is a knock at the door, and you guessed it, it’s Debra. She was furious, first words out of her mouth “you blocked me?’. I said yes, since I’m not your girlfriend and we aren’t in a relationship, I don’t want a situationship, I deserve a relationship, as a matter of fact I’m worthy to be loved. Now, all that strength came from my recent break-up with Emily. I felt empowered, I was good catch, well educated and nice looking, and most of all a kind person. I have my flaws, we all do, so I’m not letting Debra treat me like the hired help.  Then she starts kissing me and I melt. Damn it. We ended up having sex. And then hanging out again. Face plant into palm. She continues to text non-stop and I’m just kinda coasting in my “situationship”…until one day Emily sends me a facebook message.

I start talking to Emily daily, hell…Debra isn’t my girlfriend. I justify the conversations and text messages. We ended up setting up a time and date to meet. I don’t tell Debra a damn thing. I meet up with Emily, we talk, we have sex. I’m cocky at this point. I swear as if life is scripted as soon as I return home from meeting up with Emily, Debra sends me a Facebook message and asks “ Do you want to be my girlfriend?” WTF??

I stare at the screen, and all I can manage is a few blinks, my heart sinks and I feel shitty—because I just spent the night with my ex. However, Debra and I had a situationship, why do I feel shitty? It’s because I’m not built for situationships, when my emotions are involved it’s real for me. Eventually I reply to Debra’s message, we need to talk.

The next day Debra and I have lunch I tell her my ex contacted me and I’m not sure if we are going to try to work it out. Debra listens, no reaction, not even a blink. The following weekend Debra invites me to a beach getaway. I accept. I tell my ex I’m busy, we aren’t back together soo. I’m like well…this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Debra and I head for the beach and my ex is blowing my phone up. I finally call my ex from the bathroom, pulling one of Debra’s cards from her playbook. My ex is like where are you? I lie and say I was sleeping. At that moment, I have no idea who I am. I don’t cheat, I don’t lie I was caught up.

The ex continues to blow up my phone the entire weekend, that night, Friday I take a few shots of vodka we bought for the trip. Debra is sleeping, I go on the patio to clear my head. And in that moment. I am utterly confused. I want Debra but don’t trust her. I have a long history with Emily but we don’t work. I cannot wait to get back home.

Finally, the Monday after the trip, I tell Debra we should just be friends. She says ok. I’m like damn really, just ok. In retrospect, she was seeing someone else, because 2 months after we stopped situationshiping—she married another woman. I call Emily and apologize for my slow response times over the weekend. Emily and I ended up together for another 2 years for a grand total of 6 years.

Clearly I am not the player type. I am not a cheater. And I hated being in-between people and feelings, it was overwhelming. I remember crying when Debra told me she married someone else; so much for Sex in the City. It was more like heartbreak in the city…