Quixotic

My son grew up knowing how much I love him and he still does. He also had wonderful opportunities to learn, grow, and have success during his early years. I spent countless hours encouraging him and providing guidance. Most of all, I set an example for him, he watched me earn a BS then an MBA, work and earn a decent living which provided comfort for him and his sister. I also took my children to church. So that they could have faith in God. My son had every opportunity to shine. Despite my parenting efforts, he ended in prison by the time he was 19 years old. I remember sitting in the courtroom with my stomach in knots, in a surreal fog as the sheriff lead my son out in front of the judge, shackled and handcuffed. My heart sank into the bottom of the Atlantic—never to forgive myself, how the hell did I let this happen? Then a quiet voice reminds me: I gave my son everything I had as a mother to give, love, support, encouragement, he made some bad decisions—despite my best intentio

I often wonder do others have a single event that split their life into two parts, before x and after x. The first experience was losing my 19-yr. old brother to murder in 1997 (separate post all together). The second experience was a car accident in 2013. Before the accident I was working full-time making decent money, vibrant and active, social and enjoying discovering the new city I had just moved to. After the accident my entire life would change. One day I was traveling on the freeway and I was involved in a serious crash. I was transported to the hospital via EMS. My mother was called on the scene of the accident, I remember the fear in her voice “are you ok???” Yes, I tell her, she immediately starts saying “thank God, thank God you are alright”. I hand the cell phone back to the stranger who let me call my mother, while I sat on the ground waiting for EMS to arrive. I will never forget how God protected my life that day. I remember thinking as the accident unfolded in slo

I was having a text conversation with my soul Sista friend Kiana.   We have always had transparent conversations, and this conversation wasn’t any different. She reminded me that I am a serial dater. I take short breaks between relationships (historically) and don’t really like being without a partner. I had to take a few days and figure that out. Here is the dynamic that I understand about myself. I am by nature—introverted. However, I can also be extroverted when I want to be. For example, I have trouble calling new people on the phone because I am shy, I would rather text them. Furthermore, I can perform spoken word with a room full of people—I have performed spoken word with a room full of people during gay pride. I started to think about it. I enjoy my solitude—it’s how I recharge. I don’t have many visitors at my house. I spend a great deal of my time—alone. Until I’m in a relationship, then I spend most of my time with my partner. I also enjoy spending time with my family.   I

It’s 2014 my ex Emily broke up with me (again) in May of that year. Our former relationship was so unfulfilling. So I ended up using a dating site in June and connected with Debra. My ex and I didn’t spend much time together, so I was over her and wanted to move on.   Debra is a poet, writer, and enjoys many of the social events I enjoy. She even understood my back injury and offered to help with different things that I may have needed. We end up spending a lot of time together over the next few months. The summer of 2014, as I remember it. We go to open mic nite and perform, we go to the beach, and we introduce each other to our children. So one day we were talking, and I asked so are we “girlfriends” she looks at me kind of strange and tells me to think back to when we first started dating, I told you I don’t titles; and I vaguely recall her saying those exact words. I just thought after 3 months of dating and sex—we were official, right, dead ass wrong. Her next words perplexed me a

We decided to travel to DC for my birthday this year, me and my girlfriend Leah. Leah and I have been through quite a bit, which I will explain here during our 2 years of on/off dating.   During this trip I also scheduled a meet up with my long-time Facebook friend Kiana. Leah and I took the train and arrived in DC tipsy and ready to have fun. We checked into our hotel and ordered the best cheeseburgers I’ve had in a long time. We chatted a bit and went to sleep. The next day we were up early and headed to the Mad Hatter for brunch, we enjoyed the “hangover” breakfast entrée, although we weren’t hungover. I decided to call my friend Kiana and find out how her morning was going, turns out she was already out and about so we plan to meet up at the best department store in all of North America: Macy’s. After several failed attempts with Lyft drivers to pick us up and take us to Macy's; at this point I’m not sure why I’m in charge of travel because I had more than a few mimosa

As I mentioned before..I'm currently in AA. I started drinking about 2 years after my car accident in 2013. At first it was just my regular partying..on the weekend and clubbing with my friends. Then it turned into picking up bottles of Patron during the week and drinking to chill or relax. Before I knew it I was drinking just about everyday, even when I met my current girlfriend, she drank with me. I made excuses for my drinking, I am in pain, I'm stressed out, etc..my family issues--many of them serious all contributed to my downward spiral of drinking. On the outside I posted party pictures of liquor bottles and shot glasses..meanwhile I was falling into a deep dark depression no one even knew about. On Feb 21st 2018, less than two weeks after my 42nd birthday, I made a foolish decision to drive my car after drinking..I ran my car into a ditch, thankfully didn't injure myself or anyone else. This incident encouraged me to stop drinking. I looked online and found a su

Sooo in 2013 I moved to a large city in North Carolina, started a new job and left my ex. My relationship with my ex is documented in all posts written prior to 2018. She never came to visit me. it was a one-sided disaster I learned a lot from that relationship and moved on. I meet a nice woman in 2014 and we dated, she called it a situationship. It didn't work out..we acted like we had a relationship without the commitment, she went on to marry someone else 2 months after we weren't in a situationship. Go figure. I meet my current girlfriend 2 years later. We have been through quite a bit..mostly because in 2016 I questioned my sexuality and faith. I had a crisis of self and went through a long summer of self-reflection, faith building, and honesty. I was able to make amends with my current girlfriend and we are happy. We have our share of struggles...yet, the love keeps us working on ourselves individually which makes the relationship stronger. Now, how did I end up in AA

IMBD Link: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1825683/?ref_=nv_sr_1 I was so enchanted after watching Black Panther on the day it opened with my 22-year-old son, I couldn’t wait to return to Wakanda—a fictitious African country blessed with a mineral that sustains life and gives its inhabitants technological advancements far beyond anything we have seen in previous Marvel movies, including Iron Man.   The movie starts with a beautiful conversation between parent and child, and soon movie goers are whisked away to a land we ALL want to live in. Wakanda represents the community African Americans should have, one that isn’t filled with drug dealers, poverty, and suffering. The story line goes on to tell the journey of T’Challa (aka The Black Panther) the newly crowned King of Wakanda. All is well in the Kingdom…until a secret reveals there is another challenger to the throne and off we go to another ritual battle. Mesmerized by the stunning special effects and brilliant black exce

I haven't posted in over 5 years, so much has happened in that span of time. I broke up with my long-term ex in July 2016. I meet someone new shortly after, and we have been together going on 2 years. Most importantly I was involved in a car accident in 2013, which left me with chronic pain. I am also in the process of working through my drinking problem in AA..I will tell it all here, in the privacy of my online blog..here we go... Copyright CS Knight Productions 2018