Quixotic

I spent Valentine's Day with my baby!! We had an awesome time, it was very intimate. I made sure she had all the fixins, teddy bear, roses, Valentine's Day card, and even an original poem--written just for her. I also had chocolate and fresh long stem strawberries and candles! She was very impressed!! We spend time together all the time, last night I just took special care and made sure the evening was very romantic! I must say it was one of our best nights EVER. Here is the piece I wrote for her: Lips like sunshine Muffins edible Delicious Chocolate kisses Melting my Breath Into tingly Moments of Caramel seduction Blazing passion Heartpounding Fire sizzles In your touch In the Morning I Leave a trail of rose Petals from your neck To the small of your back Quiet embraces Of naked I love you’s Strawberry hips And whip cream thighs Lady you are fine You are my heart My friend, lover, and companion I cherish you and the love we share Happy Valentine’s Day! Copyright ...

Well I turned 36 years old on 2/12/12. I love that date! I spent the weekend in Charlotte, NC with my partner. She and I had a ball. We went to an NBA Basketball game and then out dancing, I enjoyed myself, she gave me a Dallas Cowboy skull cap, I can't wait to wear it! I look back at our relationship, all the ups and downs, and it's amazing how we recovered and rekindled our love. I had so much growing up to do when we met almost 2 years ago. I'm embracing the love; and cherishing her to the fullest. It's a wonderful feeling to know I have someone to love; and who love's me in return. I'm looking forward to celebrating my birthday with my family later this week. My mom, stepdad, and my teenage children will all have dinner with me. I feel great. I'm very thankful.

I haven't posted much lately...I've been distracted by so many things. I'm still with the same girl--we have had so many up and downs. I'm afraid to even say what is going on right now bc things change so much. So I will say, we love each other. The new job is going well--the commute is LONG!!! Other than that; I'm good. I'm turning 36 yrs old next month. I feel good. I'm finally accepting myself for who I am. I've always lived by what people think of me--never really allowing myself to be true to myself. So this has been a long time coming. I'm going to write a piece about that next. I can say the older I get the more I realize dreams don't magically happen; it takes very hard work and planning. I still have so much I want to do; so much I want to see happen. I'm aging and thinking, I have to hurry up. I look at my mom, a wonderful woman, who has always loved and supported me, turning 62 yrs this year. She is going for her PHD; what an in...

Today has been really hard dealing with the breakup. I'm having a hard time dealing with the lost of the relationship. It wasn't the best and it wasn't the worse. I genuinely thought we were in the process of building something lasting. I guess I really didn't pay close enough attention to the things that weren't going well. Maybe I didn't listen, maybe I didn't give enough. Or was it simply--I gave the wrong things. Either way, I'm feeling hurt and lost. Here it is the Holiday's about a week away without the person I wanted to share it with. No more messages or phone calls throughout the day. Just silence and too much time to think. I thought about sending an email, or a friendly text but I'm afraid of being rejected or hurt more by the response. I'm just kinda hiding. Trying to be friendly at work is even hard because I don't feel like talking to anyone. And I still care about her and her family. What a mess. Because there is no way we...

Constructed views built to block reality I'd rather smile and hide and pay later Consumed by naked embraces and quiet midnight hours I refused to think about the distance that was growing beneath the closeness I denied anything less then perfect happiness I ran to prove it all but you wouldn't hear my fantasy anymore Time was up Slow aches no phone calls or messages All I wonder is... Did you know? Where you aware of the tall tales we told? Copyright CS Knight 2011

Scarcely was the love I had to begin with I gave Blamed and responsible for the failure Angry I kept trying the more I tried Lessened the chances of working it out Foolishly I wonder why I even bothered Silenced Living on pain Tears will dry Copyright CS Knight 2011

It's almost a joke that I wrote everything is going great--just a few days ago. The trouble is I have been dating someone who resentmented me for past mistakes that I made--that created a sort of an imaginary relationship (in the sense we didn't deal with our issues as we should have)  as a matter of fact. Let me explain. I thought I had something, I thought that I found love, I thought that I was being loved in return. However, it turns out..she was just pretending and doing nothing more than tolerating me--and I her! (this is harsh and was more than likely my hurt feelings talking, :( I would say we each tried to make it work)   So we lived in a kinda bullshit state all the time. Until yesterday. First, we had a blow up argument about..well doing the booty dance. She said she couldn't be in relationship with someone who thought it was "okay" to do the booty dance!!!! I still cannot believe she actually said that. So after we tried to sweep...