After

Icy, silent, and sleepless
I knelt down to faint
after brokeness suffocated everything

I wanted to call you a bitch
but really I just wanted to stop hurting
two days I woke up crying

two nights I tossed
and turned in the words
of our last agrument

I ached and starved
by myself
I wrote some shit on
a yellow legal pad

I stared at my phone
and hoped you called
so I could ignore you

I talked myself out
of cussing you out
through a text message

I'm angry with myself
for trying to convince you
I was the right person for you
but really

I was never the right person for you
And you let me know it
everytime you rejected me
pushed me away
and pointed out all the mistakes I made

I lived on egg shells
breathed in your contempt
and felt every stab of resentment you had for me

Yet, in the months prior to yesterday
I lived in a state of limbo
suspended by my feelings for you and the reality of what we didn't have
trying to prove how much
I cared, how sorry I was, and how much you meant

You like a bulldosier
tore me down
with your constant reminders
I would never be what you need

Now all I can do is
sit here and wait
wait until I feel worthy again
wait until I stop crying
wait until I forgive myself
wait until I forget about you