In a funk

Lately, I have had some stress, a few setbacks, things I have been disappointed about. My adult children are doing well and moving forward--and I will never take that for granted. I also have felt a little down--well down right depressed. I have struggled with clinical depression for many years. I manage to find my way out of the funk--most times. However, I find myself less and less trying to mask how I feel. That wasn't healthy anyway. I talk to my counselor. I take my meds. I try to stay balanced. I just feel like before my accident in 2013-I was living up to my expectations of myself. Now, I'm feeling like I have struck out--no pun on baseball--which I find boring.

I'm thinking and thinking about what I want out of my life. What can I do with all this chronic back pain and such? I don't complain. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just don't have any motivation to try again. And that's the funk--the funk of being unmotivated. So how can I get my fire back? How can I get back in the game? How do I overcome my physical restrictions? These are things I should be praying about. I want so much more for myself, then just settling for where my situation has brought me. I just need one more chance in the ring--if only I could lift my boxing gloves.

To be continued...

Update: June 27, 2018

The day I was waiting for...sometimes with patients, sometimes without. Sometimes with an angry heart, sometimes with a grateful one. Nevertheless, my battle for my career, next steps, and just general heavy weights--have been lifted. I am so happy and humbled. I NEVER could have made it without God guiding my steps, putting the right people in place and also giving me faith when I had doubts or stayed up all night worrying. Somewhere along the way, as Psalm 23 reads: The Lord is my Shepherd--not money, not settlements, not employers, not people, and not even my mother--although there is a close 2nd there! Ha. I think if I keep my eyes on the Lord, I won't be distracted by "other shepherds". Today I close a chapter of many lessons and open a chapter of many blessings. To God be the Glory and Honor!  My new favorite song is "You will win" by Jekalyn Carr--what an anointed and blessed song! Lifts my heart from the depths of doubt and depression..Just the lyrics "unleash the champion in you" I mean how can you be down after thinking about that! I didn't just win because I can put this all behind me now, I am a winner because my faith is stronger now, then when all this started 5 years ago.