Ramblings of a lost heart

i don't know why i
kid myself
i don't want to leave you

i don't know why
i hide from my own thoughts
i don't know why i
can't just be sometimes

always moving
from one place to the next
searching for growth
and answers

i have to ask myself
am i afraid to win?
am i afraid to be happy?
why do i always hold myself
back from success

well today
i'm launching
into the abyss
of confidence
in who i am

all of my
inhibitions
concerns
hang-ups
discarded

and just
free fall
into me

seeking nothing
but inner
peace

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How many years did you say??

My son grew up knowing how much I love him and he still does. He also had wonderful opportunities to learn, grow, and have success during his early years. I spent countless hours encouraging him and providing guidance. Most of all, I set an example for him, he watched me earn a BS then an MBA, work and earn a decent living which provided comfort for him and his sister. I also took my children to church. So that they could have faith in God. My son had every opportunity to shine. Despite my parenting efforts, he ended in prison by the time he was 19 years old. I remember sitting in the courtroom with my stomach in knots, in a surreal fog as the sheriff lead my son out in front of the judge, shackled and handcuffed. My heart sank into the bottom of the Atlantic—never to forgive myself, how the hell did I let this happen? Then a quiet voice reminds me: I gave my son everything I had as a mother to give, love, support, encouragement, he made some bad decisions—despite my best intentio...
Read more

To Thy Own Self Be True

I was having a text conversation with my soul Sista friend Kiana.   We have always had transparent conversations, and this conversation wasn’t any different. She reminded me that I am a serial dater. I take short breaks between relationships (historically) and don’t really like being without a partner. I had to take a few days and figure that out. Here is the dynamic that I understand about myself. I am by nature—introverted. However, I can also be extroverted when I want to be. For example, I have trouble calling new people on the phone because I am shy, I would rather text them. Furthermore, I can perform spoken word with a room full of people—I have performed spoken word with a room full of people during gay pride. I started to think about it. I enjoy my solitude—it’s how I recharge. I don’t have many visitors at my house. I spend a great deal of my time—alone. Until I’m in a relationship, then I spend most of my time with my partner. I also enjoy spending time with my family....
Read more

Psalm 23

August 12th, 2013, I started as a Business Intelligence Analyst for a large university. It was the  job I prayed for. It was the job that blessed my family financially. It was the promotion I was proud to share with my mom, my friends, and my colleagues. My new job would require relocation to a large city and the excitement I felt was like hitting the job lottery. With my whole heart, I packed my house, hired movers, and awaited my new beginning. I found an amazing apartment, a palatial 2 bedroom 2 bath, with 9ft vaulted ceilings, garden tub, fireplace, and bar sitting area. It was the apartment I dreamed of and would be very proud to host gatherings and holidays. I remember walking out onto the balcony of that apartment after everything was moved in and feeling blessed, worthy, and that finally all my hard-work, faith, and perseverance brought me to that moment. It was a powerful feeling and I cherished the opportunity to be promoted, provide for my family, and enhance my s...
Read more